What stories do you tell yourself?

I have a confession to make regarding the stories I told myself. Oh, the stories I told myself about my winding career, before now!

There’s research showing that hiding your success can actually impede relationships. The study concludes that if you want to maintain relationships, it is definitely better to share than to hide.

Speaking to the general idea of keeping one’s success stories to oneself — the equivalent of putting your lamp under a bushel — I have found, especially with certain cultures, including the one I was born into, that there is a lot of resistance and hesitation to sharing what makes us great or outstanding. Over the many years I have worked with very accomplished (mostly Black/minority, female) professionals, I have come to see that part of the issue is that we are simply not taught the language of storytelling with poise, confidence and assertion. Instead, we tend to lump it under the umbrella of “boasting.” The dictionary is very clear on the difference between confidence and boastfulness. Being confident in your capabilities is a positive trait, while boasting can sometimes veer toward delusional. And who wants to be labeled as such?

Having grown up in a culture of “let another praise you, and not your own mouth,” I can tell you that unlearning these cultural artifacts with respect to the world of work is no easy feat.

Dear New Practitioner, in order to work — either as an entrepreneur or an employee — you must be able to both show and TELL what you can do, or what you bring to the potluck table. In other words, your VALUE-ability.

The way the working world works, you could not get away from this even if you tried. Any performance evaluation cycle begins with you giving your self-assessment before your supervisor gives theirs. You are the best person to tell others about you, because no one knows you more than you know yourself.

Being able to do this honestly, and without undue stress, takes practice — and more practice.

However, if you have never been taught the language of speaking about yourself without feeling like an impostor, then you may need help through skills-based coaching.

Today there is all the talk of personal branding and rebranding, which can seem over-the-top to some, but as the world becomes almost fully digital, there is more need for us to differentiate ourselves from all the noise out there.

One open secret to learning to talk about yourself is to write about yourself. If you can get over the sometimes severe writer’s block that can come with trying to create a personal success-and-learning (or failure) inventory, it becomes easier to make that elevator speech (after practice, to a point of natural flow).

If you are searching for a targeted job outcome, a resume writer can always help you in this regard. Remember, when you write, you own it. So even if a resume or brand strategist helps you write it (whatever “it” may be), you should practice looking for avenues to write your success story and tie it to opportunities for impact — whether on people (behavior), culture (behavior), or organizational processes and policies (outcomes).

Please note that this write-up is not referring to what I term those overused and buzzkill words that sound like they came out of a job-seeker’s manual — words like “experienced professional” or “passionate leader.” The question to ask is: who isn’t an experienced professional? And on what basis are you counting that experience?

Instead, think of words that are more likely to invoke curiosity, because in the long run, you want people to say, “Tell me more?” If you get into the practice of writing down your key success traits, it becomes easier to craft and tailor them to a job, if you happen to be looking to switch jobs or careers. I call these curiosity-invoking sentences part of your value proposition statement, or VPS. An example of an impactful statement that reflects where you are and where you would like to go: